Co-Parenting Through the Holidays: Putting Children First During a Season of Change

Posted on Nov 5, 2026 by Griswold LaSalle Staff

Co-Parenting Through the Holidays: Putting Children First During a Season of Change

The holidays are supposed to be about family, tradition, and time together. For parents who are separated or divorced, they can also bring hard questions. Who gets Thanksgiving this year? Can we take the kids to see grandparents in another state? What happens if we can’t agree on Christmas Eve?

Co-parenting during the holidays doesn’t have to mean conflict. With a clear plan, good communication, and an understanding of how California custody law works, parents in Kings, Fresno, and Tulare Counties can give their children a season that feels stable and joyful, even when it looks different than it used to.

This guide walks through how holiday custody schedules usually work in California, what to know before traveling with your children, how to handle disagreements, and how to keep your children’s well-being at the center of every decision.

Start with Your Custody Order

Before making any holiday plans, read your current custody and visitation order (sometimes called a parenting plan). Many California orders include a specific holiday schedule. If yours does, that schedule generally controls over the regular weekly schedule during the holidays it covers.

California courts often use the Judicial Council’s Children’s Holiday Schedule Attachment (form FL-341 (C) to spell out holiday time. That form lets parents and judges list which parent has the children for specific holidays, in even and odd years, along with start and end times and vacation rules.

If your order is silent or vague about the holidays, you and your co-parent can agree on a plan in writing. If you can’t agree, you may need to ask the court to add a holiday schedule to your order. It’s best to do that well before the holidays arrive, because court calendars fill up quickly in the fall.

Tip: Look for these details in your order:

  • Which holidays are listed (Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, other religious or cultural holidays)
  • Exact start and end times for each holiday
  • Whether holidays alternate in even and odd years
  • How winter break is divided
  • Any rules about travel, vacation notice, or leaving the county, state, or country

Common Ways to Divide Thanksgiving and Winter Break

There is no single “standard” California holiday custody schedule. Judges look at what serves each child’s best interests, and parents are free to agree on arrangements that fit their family. Here are some common approaches.

Thanksgiving custody arrangements

  • Alternating years. One parent has Thanksgiving in even-numbered years and the other in odd-numbered years. This is simple and predictable.
  • Splitting the day. One parent has the morning and the other has the afternoon and evening. This works best when parents live close together, such as both in Hanford or between Hanford and Lemoore.
  • Splitting the long weekend. One parent has Wednesday evening through Thursday, and the other has Friday through Sunday.
  • Fixed holidays. Some families assign Thanksgiving to one parent every year and a different holiday to the other, especially when one side of the family has a long-standing tradition.

Winter break and Christmas

  • Splitting winter break in half. The first half goes to one parent and the second half to the other, rotating each year so both parents get Christmas morning over time.
  • Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. One parent has Christmas Eve and the other has Christmas Day, alternating each year.
  • Alternating the whole break. This can make sense when parents live far apart, but it often means children go a long time without seeing one parent.

When choosing an arrangement, think about travel time between homes, the children’s ages, school calendars in your district, extended family traditions, and how much transition your children can comfortably handle in a short period.

Traveling Out of State With Your Children

Holiday travel is one of the most common sources of co-parenting conflict. Before booking flights to visit family in another state or country, take these steps.

Check your order for travel restrictions

Some custody orders limit travel outside the county, the state, or the country without the other parent’s written consent or a court order. Under California Family Code section 3048, when a court finds a risk that a child may be taken without permission, it can order measures such as restricting travel outside the county, state, or country, requiring passports to be surrendered, or requiring the traveling parent to provide an itinerary and contact information.

Even when your order doesn’t restrict travel, many holiday schedules (including form FL-341(C)) require advance written notice of vacation plans and a basic itinerary.

Give notice and share an itinerary

A good practice, even if your order doesn’t require it, is to give your co-parent written notice well in advance that includes:

  • Travel dates and times
  • Destination address
  • Flight or travel details
  • A phone number where the children can be reached

International travel and passports

For children under 16, U.S. passport rules generally require both parents’ consent to issue a passport. If you plan to travel outside the United States, confirm your order allows it and that you have any required written consent. Travel outside the country without permission can lead to serious legal consequences.

Don’t take a “self-help” approach

Taking children out of state in violation of a custody order, or refusing to return them on time, can harm your case and may expose you to legal consequences. If your co-parent won’t agree to reasonable travel, talk with an attorney about asking the court for permission.

When You Can’t Agree: Negotiation, Mediation, and Court

Disagreements about the holidays are common. The way you handle them can make a big difference for your children.

1. Try to work it out directly

Start early. Propose a plan in writing, be specific about dates and times, and be willing to compromise. A trade, such as “You take Thanksgiving this year, and I’ll take the full first week of winter break,” often settles things quickly. Keep communication focused on the children and off old conflicts. Co-parenting apps can help keep messages organized and calm.

2. Use mediation

If you can’t agree, mediation can help. In California, when custody or visitation is contested in a court case, the court sets the contested issues for mediation through Family Court Services (Family Code section 3170). The Superior Courts in Kings, Fresno, and Tulare Counties each have Family Court Services departments that handle custody mediation. Private mediation is also an option and may move faster.

3. Ask the court when necessary

Sometimes court involvement is the right step, especially if:

  • Your order has no holiday schedule and you cannot agree on one
  • One parent is refusing to follow the existing order
  • There are safety concerns, such as domestic violence or substance abuse
  • There is a real risk that a child may be taken out of state or out of the country without permission

Requests to change custody orders take time. If the holidays are approaching, talk to a family law attorney as early as possible. Emergency (ex parte) orders are reserved for situations involving immediate harm or an immediate risk that a child will be removed from California.

Celebrating Together vs. Separately

Some co-parents choose to share part of the holiday together, such as opening presents together on Christmas morning or attending a school holiday program side by side. For some families, this gives children a sense of continuity. For others, it creates tension.

Celebrating together may work if:

  • Both parents communicate respectfully
  • There is no history of domestic violence or high conflict
  • New partners are comfortable with the arrangement
  • Children see it as positive rather than confusing

Celebrating separately may be healthier if:

  • Interactions often turn into arguments
  • There are protective orders or safety concerns
  • Children might take a shared celebration as a sign that parents are reconciling

There’s no single right answer. What matters is that the choice reduces stress for your children. Set clear boundaries ahead of time, such as how long the visit will last, who will attend, and which topics are off-limits.

Keeping Children’s Best Interests at the Center

California law requires courts to make custody decisions based on the child’s best interests, with the child’s health, safety, and welfare as the primary concern (Family Code section 3011). The state’s public policy also favors children having frequent and continuing contact with both parents when that is safe and in the child’s best interest (Family Code section 3020).

Parents can apply that same standard at home. Here are practical ways to keep the holidays focused on your children:

  • Plan early and share the plan with your children. Kids handle change better when they know what to expect.
  • Keep exchanges calm and on time. Holiday handoffs set the tone for the whole day.
  • Don’t make children choose. Avoid asking them where they want to spend the holiday or putting them in the middle of disagreements.
  • Support their relationship with the other parent. Help them call or video chat with the other parent on the holiday.
  • Create new traditions. A “second Thanksgiving” or a special winter-break outing can become something children look forward to.
  • Coordinate gifts. Avoid competing over gifts or duplicating big-ticket items.
  • Take care of yourself. If you’ll be without your children for part of the holiday, plan time with friends, family, or community events.

How Griswold LaSalle Can Help

Our family law team helps parents across Kings, Fresno, and Tulare Counties create clear holiday schedules, change orders that no longer work, and resolve disagreements through negotiation and mediation whenever possible. When court involvement is needed, we’re there to guide you through every step.

If you have questions about co-parenting during the holidays, your custody order, or traveling with your children, contact our Hanford office at 559.584.6656 to schedule a consultation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does California have a standard holiday custody schedule? No. There is no single required schedule. Parents can agree on a plan, and judges decide based on each child’s best interests. Many orders use form FL-341(C) to spell out holiday time.

Does the holiday schedule override the regular custody schedule? Generally, yes, if your order includes a holiday schedule. Check your specific order for how holidays and regular time interact.

Can I take my child out of state for the holidays? It depends on your order. Some orders restrict travel outside the county, state, or country or require advance notice and an itinerary. If you aren’t sure, ask a family law attorney before you travel.

What if my co-parent won’t follow the holiday schedule? Keep records, try to resolve it in writing, and talk with an attorney about enforcing the order. Avoid self-help measures that could hurt your case.

Is it too late to get a holiday schedule in place before December? Court timelines vary. If you need a schedule or a change, contact an attorney as soon as possible so you know your options.

Disclaimer: This article is for general informational purposes only and is not legal advice. Reading it does not create an attorney-client relationship. Laws change, and every situation is different. Contact a licensed California attorney for advice about your circumstances.

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Explore More: Read our Why is Divorce so expensive in California (It’s not just Lawyer Fees) blog or watch our “Is it cheaper to give your spouse what they want,” video on YouTube.

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